I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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