I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
