sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
