I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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