I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
