She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
