The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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