I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bring me that man meat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
