if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
