wakey wakey hands off snakey
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
