We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
