Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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