he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
