My first STD was from a foam party
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
