thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
