What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
