They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
