Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
