i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
