I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
