Someone shit on the floor
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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