I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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