it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
where am i from again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
