im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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