be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she looked like the before picture.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
