is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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