she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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