Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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