Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am available for nakedness
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
