I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
