Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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