we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize