Little spoons don't ask big questions
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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