God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
