First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
