I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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