just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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