i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
