hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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