well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
