She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
