I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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