Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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