Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
