Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Four minutes until I can fart!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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