Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
