Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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