One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
