Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
