Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
