Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i came on her dog
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
