Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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