I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time to smoke my breakfast
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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