I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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