So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
