Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
