dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
