This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
