Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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