Got a toothbrush?
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
