I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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