U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
