He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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