Me too!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
