You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
