Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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