In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
